What About Me?

***Update...had a great day. Spent some time listening to Travis sing some of my all-time favorite worship songs...Be Unto Your Name; Mercy Seat; Praise to the Lord, the Almighty; Jesus Saves; In Christ Alone. Music speaks to me. He speaks to me through music. I did a bunch of laundry. I emptied three boxes and boxed up my Christmas dishes. Shawn and I worked on our Christmas break puzzle...as in opened the box and started working on it today. Shawn made an awesome dinner. Russell came home from a quick trip to JFK. We made a Baskin-Robbins run. And now My Man and I are watching last night's NCIS. *Shhhh...Sarah Wolfe, don't spoil it!* Tomorrow I need to pop into the office for a bit and push some paper, work on the announcements and then I will come home and help Shawn finish packing. He heads back to Farmville Friday after we go to lunch for Thai food. Anyway, just wanted y'all to not worry. I'm clawing my way back out of the pit...with some Help.***

As a former, "it is ALL about me" girl who has spent the last 20 years trying to make it not about her, I really fought against writing this post.

However, the entire point of writing is to express who I am. And this is who I am right now:

• lost
• overwhelmed
• angry
• sad
• weary

Those are the first five words that popped into my head. Here are the next five:

• blessed
• blessed
• blessed
• blessed
• blessed

Seriously. I could not think of another word. I find this hilarious. Especially when a good friend had just texted me: "friend that sounds like depression."

I know depression. I know she is right. But I hadn't said it out loud.
Yet.

But she just threw it out there like it was nothing.

Denial is a wonderful world to live in.

It is true that I have not taken good care of myself. I'm two years past a physical and all that entails at my age. I haven't been eating well, drinking well and certainly not exercising regularly anymore. My sleep is whack. My quiet time is still pretty much me sitting here staring into space.

So. What about me?
What is my responsibility toward taking care of myself?

I could quote a bunch of scripture, but we are all pretty familiar with them. Honestly, God does talk about us taking care of ourselves. Especially in order to worship Him properly and take care of those around me. I want to do both. I need to do both.

So, I'm taking a few days to chill. I need to help Shawn get ready for this semester. Which might, or might not be his last semester. He can graduate this Spring with his Liberal Arts degree and finish up his minor, Outdoor Education, after the summer session, but won't have his teaching certs. Although he can get them after graduating. We've left the decision up to him. However, I do want to help him get packed up, get his Winter gear washed up, etc. He heads back to Longwood in two days.

And while I've said I've wanted to get back to real life, eating well, exercising, pumping up my spiritual life again...I haven't really committed to it nor done anything serious about it. I've been pretty content in my cushy little pit; have it all decorated nice and cozy-like; and I've just wanted to be left alone.

So again, I ask for some prayer from y'all, my three dedicated readers. For me this time.

Love you guys. Thankful for you on this Journey.